NSV, scale victory and an appointment

I called yesterday and my appointment is for 8:00 monday morning!  WHEW!  it was a relief just KNOWING i would get my restriction back...SOON!

i ate SO much better yesterday, had my water (after working out, i downed a bottle of water in 2 drinks...before realizing what i did!  can we say NO restriction?)

Scale Victory...the scale showed 126 this morning!  WHEW....it's going down.  it made me realize that i need to get my water in, eat meals, don't graze .  PLAN my day.  if i snack, PLAN them and make good choices for them.

NSV.  yesterday we had some serious conversations with my oldest (17).  after letting him know how proud i was of his desicions, i told him  i love him, and hugged him.  he gave me a huge hug, arms all the way around me.  After letting go, he said...."gosh mom, you are TINY!" 
he is thin (5'10" and 140-145)  his girlfriend is THIN (about 5'8" and 120)...and he called me TINY!  WOW! 
then...I was talking with his girlfriends mom (in person) and she said, 'i have to tell you...it's been a few weeks since i have seen you, but you just keep on shrinking...you are so little'
heehee...i said, thank you (aren't compliments the hardest to JUST accept without explination?  i SO wanted to say, THANK YOU...i SO NEEDED TO HEAR THAT because i've been up and down and driving myself crazy with feeling terrible about gaining and not eating right and, and, and......)
i just said, Thank you.  and left with a jump in my step and a smile on my face! 

I'm very short.  only 4'10.5".  although the Dr has it written at 4'11"  heehee...it seems the lower my weight, the more i get that they didn't realize HOW short i am.  No one understands why i would want to lose more, but even in the 120's, i'm one of the 'bigger girls' in our family!  most of the women in my family are right at 5' and under 100 pounds.  no one looks sick, or malnourished...we are just little, petite, tiny  people. 

I can carry more weight and look smaller than most of them because i have more muscle than they do, thank goodness!  LOL  i cannot imagine needing or wanting to be under 100 pounds!  that would make me look like death sick. 
I was in gymnastics for MANY MANY years as a child and teenager and it takes very little to build the muscles back. 



Wanna B thin again...is almost there!

fill er up!

I still haven't started my period, no headache (period usually starts the day after my migraine stops), and i'm gaining!  NOT GOOD!

i'm freaking out!  I want my fill back.  maybe not the 1 cc he took out, but half of that for now!

I'm calling in just a few minutes (when they open) to schedule an appointment.  he told me to wait 2 weeks.  it's been 2 weeks.  on MY scale (weighing naked, before anything to eat or drink) my lowest has been 124 (128 on his, but that was fully clothed).  this morning, i was 128!  ARGH!!! 

it's like my head is telling me i'm going to wake up in the morning and ALL the weight will be back! 

I was hoping to not get a fill until after my birthday on the 29th so i could go eat out with my family and no one notices anything (remember, only my mom and hubby knows about my band).

at this point, i do not care if i get a fill NOW.....

ok, it's after 8.....going make the call...

FILL ER UP!

Wanna B thin again...is almost there!

Dum Dum

no, i'm not calling names....

it was the downfall of yesterday!

I just figured out that i probably had 255 calories from DUM DUM's yesterday!

how empty is THAT?

thank goodness they are almost gone.  The 2 little ones act like it's crack, so i know i won't be getting those ever again (they have BEEN in the candy jar, but the kids just realized WHERE the candy jar has been hiding.)!!

I had a migraine again yesterday (thank goodness i didn't wake up with one today!  I bet my period is going to start soon!)

My husband is off today, so there should be less mindless eating in the evening. If i get the cravings for JUNK this evening, i WILL go walk/try to run instead!

Wanna B thin again...is almost there!

Didn't know if i should laugh or cry!

Yesterday, it was COLD in the morning when i needed to bring my oldest to school.  I looked around for a sweatshirt to throw on to bring him.
I found one that was a STAPLE in my wardrobe for the last few winters. 
I remembered it fit way to good...(read: almost tight!)
When i put it on yesterday, it was HUGE!  i could wear it as a DRESS!  It was almost to my knees it was so big!!
i honestly didn't know if i should laugh or cry!
Laugh at how it looks now, or cry because i let myself get to the point that it was almost too little!!

can i just say, I LOVE MY BAND!!

yesterday i did great. 
protein drink
can of tuna
grapes
almonds
3 slices of turkey
pineapple
cottage cheese
slice of high fiber toast with a tiny bit of peanut butter
last night, not so good! 
I ate the darn grahm crackers, AGAIN!  no chocolate this time.
my youngest wanted to 'share' his gold fish crackers with me and as hard as i tried to take them and feed them back to him, he was persistant and made me eat a few!

worked out at curves, didn't walk/run.
 

Wanna B thin again...is almost there!

cool weather, migraine, smores, and snotty noses...

what do any of these have to do with each other?

We have had cool weather here!  It's been WONDERFUL!!  I love WAY down south.  it's usually HOT here most of the year.  we have very mild winters and EXTREMELY HOT summers.  So, we lit up the fire pit!

Yesterday, i fought off a headache most of the day.  the thing is, when i have a migraine, or one trying to start, or ending....it makes me want to snack.  The worst thing is to let myself feel the slightest bit hungry because then, i get nauseous.  NOT GOOD! 

since it was cool, i thought the kids would LOVE to make smores.  BAD idea when i'm trying to not eat carbs.  I even had to go to the store to get the marshmellows (i only had the little ones and grahm crackers here) and the chocolate.
I'm sure you can see where this is going...yup.  i ate some of it!  argh...i did it to myself! 

This has given me an answer to the weight gain/stall though.  it seems like everytime i have a migraine, i go up a little, then stall, then have a decent loss.  let's hope that happens this time!  if it doesn't, i may be tempted to go get a fill...of about 5 cc...close me right on up...if i can't eat, then i HAVE to lose, right?  JUST KIDDING!!!  for one, i doubt the Dr. will put more than 1 cc back in, and i'm thinking he will only do half of that since the 1 cc got tight (i was having a week long migraine at the time, so i'm thinking it was causing swelling then too!)  there IS some connection in tightness, migraines and my period...for me anyhow!

as for the snotty/congested/sneezing/coughing.....thank goodness it's not ME...but even worse, it's THREE of my four boys!  the oldest didn't complain a bit, but i could hear him....got dressed and went to school.  i wonder if he'll be calling for me to go get him at some point?  The 2 youngest have it too...but they aren't in school yet, so i'll give them some allergy meds, breathing treatments and pray it passes QUICK!

can you believe, me, a SCALE WHORE did not weigh this morning?  well...i think it was more...if i don't step on the scale and SEE that the scale didn't go down, that it's not true....and maybe i lost 5 lbs overnight! 

ok, so i gave in... after drinking some of my coffee though.  so i'm still not believing it!  although, i'm happier with that number than i have been with what i have been seeing the last couple of days!

126!  WHEW...since i had already had my coffee, it's probably 125 point something...MUCH closer to my lowest of 124! 

off to get another cup of coffee and an imitrex to KNOCK this headache out!!

Wanna B thin again...is almost there!

day 2 down!

I did pretty good although the scale didn't agree this morning! ARGH!
I could have done better with water, and that's PROBABLY my biggest setback.
I had my coffee. with creamer and sugar.
a serving of almonds throughout the day.
twice, i had 1/2 cup cottage cheese.
a protein shake.  I make my own because i can't have artificial sugar.  (carnation essentials *choc*, f/f milk, 2 servings of liquid egg whites, blended in magic bullet)
turkey chili
i haven't done any exercise this weekend.  i usually go to curves on Saturday, but i didn't have anyone home to keep the little ones, so i couldn't go. 

I REALLY need to get back to running again.  It's my own fault, i keep slacking and making excuses.

Wanna B thin again...is almost there!

I just realized

after reading back through those post, that i have been the same (or going up and down the same few pounds) since 9/29/09! 
I know being too tight was part of it.
I hope that doesn't happen again. 
It was the strangest thing.
I have only had 2 fills, the last being April 23, 2009.  Everything was going GREAT.  i was losing, without going hungry and not having to kill myself with exercise.
SUDDENLY, i'm so tight i have to struggle to eat, water was making me go REALLY slow, i was having reflux all night....
now,  I have 1 cc less in my band and NO restriction unless i try to overdo it with eating too much.
I have 4 pounds to get to my goal, plus the few pounds i've been jumping around with...i need to get with it if i'm going to meet my birthday goal!
I didn't make my last goal of 7 months and 70 pounds...the first goal i didn't make.
I REALLY want to make up for that with the birthday goal of being at my original goal.

If i get back to walking/running and continue going to Curves, AND control my eating (which i've done GREAT again today), i KNOW i can do this!!

I will really be upset with myself if i don't make goal by my PS appointment (11/12/09) because i wanted to be at goal and see what he tells me from there.
If he thinks i should lose more,to get the results i want,  i want to know how much more.
If he thinks i should work on maintianing  and that the surgery will get me to where i want to be, then i want to worry only about having to maintain.

I didn't think i would be getting implants.  i was thinking just a lift, but low and behold, the boobs that have NEVER gotten smaller than a full C, are shrinking...big time!
i REALLY needed new bra's (ones that FIT!) so I had a fitting done this week at VS.  Before surgery, i was spilling out of a 40 DD....at my fitting...34C!  i ended up with a 36 C because the extra skin was coming out of the sides of the arms making it look terrible. 
I want to be at least a full C.  I have been that size or bigger for the last 17 years, i feel like i have NO chest now that i've lost the weight!
 cannot wait for my belly to be flat and no wrinkles all over it!  4 kids have made a  mess on my belly.
I'm also hoping it will get rid of or at least hide my port scar under my undies.  after the infection, there is stil a small dark spot that doesn't seem to be going away! 
Wanna B thin again...is almost there!

1 day down

My goal for yesterday was to NOT have carbs, or VERY, VERY little carbs. I have GOT to break this sweet craving, snacking all the time, eating whatever i want, habit that i have done this week.

I did have my coffee in the morning. i use real sugar (sometimes Honey) and liquid creamer. I cannot use artificial sugar due to migraines.

I had a serving of almonds throughout the day.
For lunch, i had a can of tuna (was SHOCKED that i could eat the entire can!) mixed with a small amount of light mayo, a squirt of mustard and a teaspoon of dill relish.

I PLANNED to walk, pushing the kiddos in the jogger, but that never happened. I DID work out at curves (something i usually do 6 days a week)
for supper, i had mozzerella cheese stick, 2 pieces of turkey rolled up (i left a couple of bites of this because i got that 'don't take another bite or you might be sorry' feeling. we were about to leave to go to a football game, and did NOT want to PB there so i stopped!

after the game, i was hungry, but didn't feel like making anything. I ended up eating 2 spoons of reduced fat peanut butter. it was easy, quick, and tasted YUMMY!

Looking back, i realize i didn't eat much today, but i truly was not hungry.  I have to get back to listening to my body, and not falling for head hunger. 

The only time i was hungry was last night.  The peanut butter did the trick and i was no longer hungry.

I have to get better with my water. i don't know why it's so hard lately. it's the only thing i drink, besides when i drink protein shakes. Maybe it's because it's not SOOOO hot anymore.

my goal today is to make sure i get PLENTY of water

and LOTS of protein. Even if i have to add a protein drink.

*something about me: I'm a scale whore. I weigh everyday. SEVERAL. TIMES. A. DAY.
I move my ticker when it goes down, but not when it goes up.

7 1/2 months

It's been 7 1/2 months and i'm FINALLY deciding to start this.

I'll try to go back and fill in the past months.

band date: 3-03-09
starting weight: 191 (it was higher than that at one time, but at my WLS consult it was this)
current weight: 124  (the scale actually said 127 this morning, but there is NO way i gained 3 pounds overnight!!  remember, i don't change when i go up...i just work hard to get it back DOWN!)
goal weight: 120 (thinking of changing it to 114 and then possilby to 109 if it's not too hard to maintain. I'm only 4'10.5")
PS consult: 11-12-09
plan to have PS: 3-??-2010

Today is the first day of low carbs, NO snacking, drinking water, in attempts to get my snacking under control.
I went on a binge yesterday of sweets and i haven't been eating very good in the week before that either.
i had an unfill of 1 cc on Oct 7th because i was getting tighter and having reflux.
Before that i had not had a fill since April 23!
my band DEFINITELY gets tighter with my cycle.
I'm thinking of having .5 cc's put back in next week. the Dr. wanted me to wait 2 weeks to see what the unfill would do.
he even mentioned that my band could have possibly slipped due to being so close to goal. I'm convinced it's not that and that i was just too tight because by the night of getting 1 cc taken out, all was fine!
I WAS at my sweet spot for quite a while and now....i can eat just about anything! sometime i can eat way too much too!

ok, this was way more than i was going to put in this post. i planned to post old stuff first, working my way to the beginning.

i'm tired of not replying to all the blogs i read, so i set this up!!

10/10/09

No restriction. 
that's a scary thing.
i can't eat too much bread or it reminds me it's there, but noting else is giving me warnings to Stop.

The Dr. said to wait 2 weeks.  If i don't get some control, i'm going to gain before going back.

Wanna B thin again...is almost there!