it's getting closer!!! and *GASP* pics...

(face included!)  i may have a panic attack over this, and i'll probably take them down later....remember, i'm suppose to be ANONYMOUS!

We did our taxes yesterday!!! WOO HOO!! it's a GO!  I GET TO HAVE IT DONE!!
We will probably have our state in a week and federal in 2.  When the State gets here i get to call and book my date!  I have to put down $1000 to hold a date. 
IF there are dates open in MARCH, I MAY still be able to do it then instead of waiting until APRIL!  The plans that would have interfered with me having it in March have changed!  I can't wait to find out what dates are still available!!

in other news:
I have worked out and done the C25K 6 days a week!! 
water isn't as good as it should be everyday, but i'm working on that.  Anyone else find when it's cold, it's harder to get enough water?  in the summer, i have NO trouble, i probably get my days worth in by 2 PM!

The scales not moving like i would like, but, i'm NOT letting it get to me.  Obviouly, with running everyday, and my workout, i'm buring more than half of my calories that i'm eating.  I'm trying to really not focus on the NUMBER on the scale. 

Hubby & I when we made a trip out of my PS consult in November.

This was Dec.1st.  size 6 jeans (see my muffin top showing...I cannot wait until THAT is GONE!!!) Not sure of the top size...  that's the back on my 3yo and my doggie.

It was not until i saw this pic of me (with my littlest bit in the emergency room) that i thought my face looked thin!  why can we not see it when we 'see' ourselves everyday? 

After hubby took this pic, i told him, "ok, don't ever let me say i need to lose more because my face still doesn't look thin!"  i TRULY did NOT see this when looking in the mirror!

(this was the week of Christmas)

ok, I'm panicing now..... but here i go...pressing PUBLISH!

Edited: took pics down due to people being 'found out' from GOOGLE!

Wanna B thin again...is almost there!

It was worse before it got better, but still haven't made it back to the best

I just re read my last post. 
On January 4th i was down to 131.  131!
This morning, i was 132.  I was HAPPY with myself this morning....
WHY?  because last week, there was a day that i stepped on the scale (i had a BAD week...eating/emotional/it was freaking COLD/every other excuse i could use...although i DID exercise)
and the scale said 139!  YES.....that was ONE HUNDRED THIRTY NINE! 
In November, i was 124.  i was .2 pounds away from a 'normal' weight and i was 4 pounds from my goal.  FOUR POUNDS to NINETEEN pounds away! 
I know, it was whatever i had eaten because i could not have gained (and then dropped) that much that quickly without eating non stop.

Things have been MUCH better though!
I am getting my water
I am making good food choices (i am probably still eating too often, but too often of good is better than too often/much of things i shouldn't eat!)
exercising (i've been working out and doing the C25k everyday.  i know it says 3 days a week, but i'm staying on the same week until it's easy and i can up my speed before going to the next week)
I am sleeping better (getting 8 hours lately!)

and the best part is that each day that passes, it's getting easier to make the right choices. 
I don't know why it took me so long to get back into the grove, but i'm SOOOO happy to be back in it!

as my clothes because too big, i would get rid of them because i did NOT want it to be that easy to put weight back on and have clothes to fit.  WELL....THAT may be what caused the kick in my butt!  LOL
My jeans were TIGHT...i couldn't wear a fitted shirt because it would look TERRIBLE!  i was having to keep my jacket or coat on to cover the muffin top!  LOL 
this morning, after putting on right out of the dryer jeans, wasn't that bad!  i still had a tiny muffin going on, but NOTHING like i had going on!!
small victories! 
it's also warmer here again... i think sometime this week it's going to be 76 degrees!!!!  i have realized that cold/winter affects me, BAD!  i NEED warmth and sunlight!!

in other news, we should be doing our taxes next week, should get our refund within 2 weeks of that, and when it hits the bank.....
I GET TO MAKE MY PLASTIC SURGERY APPOINTMENT!!!
my goal is to be AT goal (or at least to 124) by my date.  for my consult, the surgeon told me he didn't think i needed to lose anymore weight, that my results from PS would take care of what's still there that i didn't like (the lose skin, which makes me look heavier than i am).
I don't think 8-12 pounds is an outrageous goal for possibly 12 weeks (i'm thinking i'll have my surgery the week after Easter break April 14)  it would be harder, i think, had i NOT gotten down to the 124 already.  knowing i can do it with eating better, my workout and running (i had to add running to my normal exercise when i hit the plateau, which got me down to 124....TWICE!  Three times a charm, right?)

sorry, i rambled...i do have ADD, and it shows so much more than more weight i lose!

Wanna B thin again...is almost there!

not too shabby

I went to curves, i did a some of one of Jillian michaels videos, i ate lots of protien, drank lots of water.
i did have a couple of bite sized chocolates my son brought home from school. 
I emailed my Dr. about getting a fill.  i haven't heard from him yet, BUT.....today, for lunch, i ate veggie chili and was only able to eat about 1/2 a cup!  My real problem seems to be that i'm eating sliders.  if i eat solid protien, i seem to feel restriction. 
I still would like to get .25 cc's just to have a bit more restriction if i overdo anything.   that's were i was before all this out-of-the-blue tightness started happening and i wasn't thinking of food as often, i wasn't craving junk, and i was losing consistantly. 
i realize i'm close to goal and it's harder to lose the last few pounds, but i know i can at least maintain!!

i ended up getting on the scale this morning...wasn't awake (before my coffee) and did it out of habit.  it said 131!  whew...on my way back down! 
My husband is going to put the podcast for the c25k on my shuffle.  then, if i'm at home on the treadmill or out at the track, or in my neighborhood, i can do the program.

oh, and i'm sore...i knew i would be.  i just hope tomorrow isn't worse since it will be the 2nd day after raking....it hurts to cough and sneeze!

and i have to correct something i said yesterday.  Jillian michaels 30 day shred is 20 minutes, NOT 30! 

Wanna B thin again...is almost there!

Choice

that's what i choose.  CHOICE.  that's my word.
i made a CHOICE to change my life.  I made a CHOICE to be healthier.  I made a CHOICE to do something for ME.  I made a CHOICE to get the band.  I made a CHOICE to follow the rules and it did exactly what it was suppose to do.  I made a CHOICE of what my goal would be. I made a CHOICE to work hard to reach my goal.  I made a CHOICE of what my reward was for when i made my goal.

 I made a CHOICE to stop following the rules.  I made a CHOICE to listen to those old habits.  i made a CHOICE to put the bad stuff in my mouth more than the good stuff.  I made a CHOICE to not stop even though the scale was going up.  in the end, it was my CHOICE(s) that made me gain.

it's now my CHOICE to stop this.  It's my CHOICE to get back on track, to eat healthy most of the time and have the snacks occasionally, not the snacks all the time and the food occasionally. 
It's my CHOICE to get back to exercising, i LOVE it, but when i'm not following the rules, i stop.

my band is a tool, it will NOT do the work for me, it will not make the CHOICES for me.  I have to do that.
my CHOICES are what causes my RESULTS (good or bad!)

I plan to work on my CHOICE!!  make better ones!!
Wanna B thin again...is almost there!

GREAT day!

not great night!
i did SOOOO good yesterday during the day.  I worked out, i did great with my water, and my eating....
and then came the night and i ate junk! 
It's 'that' time right now, and it's rearing it's ugly head big time!  i was cranky and irratated and craving JUNK.  When my husband left to go to work and i had the kids to deal with all by myself, and the house to straighten...all by myself, because NO ONE did anything for themselves...
I kept shoveling it in.  at least i didn't do that the entire day.  I also feel like i got it out of my system. 

Today, i have done great with my eating, my water, and although curves is closed and i haven't ran, i did shovel leaves for an hour this morning.  Tomorrow, my back and arms are gonna HURT!  LOL  that's ok though, at least i know i used some mucles!!

Yesterday i bought Jillian Michaels 30 day shred, i also have her set videos that has i think 5 in it that i'm going to start alternating.  the 30 day shred is 30 minutes, i can do that! 

I'm going to try to not weigh myself for a week.  the number on the scale is REALLY messing with my head right now and that's not good.  not weighing for a week will be HARD!  i'm a scale whore you know.   this morning i was actually UP even more and THAT was very discouraging.  It also made me mad enough to eat the way i SHOULD today, to get off my butt, and to drink my water!! 

I came post this now so that if i messed up this evening, i would have to be accountable and come back tomorrow to post that i didn't have a good night.

Oh, i updated my ticker yesterday because i usually don't change it when i gain, i just make myself get back to what it says....this time i wanted to be accountable.  i want it to stare me in the face when i come here.  I want to work my way back down!  i CAN do this!!

Wanna B thin again...is almost there!

I failed miserably!

I was afraid....afraid of what the holiday's would be like with very little restriction.....oh, yeah, i had to go get my fill taken out AGAIN! 
I got on the scale this morning, knowing it wasn't going to look good. AT. ALL.
I feel like the pilsbury dough boy, except a girl ;-).  I feel all puffy.  my fingers, my face, but ESPECIALLY my belly!  all those sweets, and food, never mind, i don't think i've done bad at all with my real food.  it's just that there hasn't been a whole lot of it! 
REALLY.  I have been living on JUNK for almost 2 weeks.  I have driven to the store, with the excuse of going to get milk or some other necessity to get candy or cookies or brownies or chocolate, or...whatever else i saw! 
the number, the number i saw this morning was 10, yes, that is TEN pounds (ok, 9.8) heavier than my lowest, which i was back to in November! 

I have slacked on my water, i have not watched or cared about what i was eating, I wasn't even going to work out or run....for almost a MONTH!! 
they thought i had to have gone out of town since i'm usually there 6 days a week most weeks!

It's been rainy and cold (something i'm not use to here) and i HATE it!  i don't want to do ANYTHING!

Today, i'm going to change all of this.  I did go work out 2 days this week (Mon. and Tues.) and i WILL go at least 5 days a week again.  I WILL run at least 2 days a week (will work myself up to 3miles a day/ 4 times a week), i WILL drink my water (today i put 6 bottles on the counter that i have to drink by bedtime, to make sure i drink enough), and i will NOT eat junk.

I have come to far, i don't have far to go, and i'm NOT giving up now! 

I got side tracked for a little bit, but today, i'm getting back on track. 
Monday, i will either email or call my Dr. and discuss my gain, my finicky band, and see if he will compromise with me and hopefully put back .25 cc's (he took out .5 cc's of the 1 cc he had taken out and put back the month before).

I plan to put my deposit down on my surgery date by the end of January (i'm planning to have PS in April), but if i can't maintain (or even lose more) than my lowest weight, i'm not sure i should go through with it just yet.

Sorry i've been away for so long.  That's another thing i need to do.  Be accountable, here.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! I KNOW it's gonna be a GREAT ONE!!!

Wanna B thin again...is almost there! (a little further away, but i'm working my way back!!)