who me?

I was told I was TOO skinny for Thanksgiving!
 I think NOT!
I'm in the range of 115-118, and for as short as I am, that is not low at all.
I'm still 15-20 pounds heavier than I was before I had kids!
I will NOT attempt that, because I know I would look sick if I lost another 15-20 pounds.
I haven't stepped on the scale since Thanksgiving...we were gone almost a week, had thanksgiving and a wedding....I'll wait a week to make sure i have all the damage gone!

I HATE to shop, but went shopping to have some alone time while we were gone.
  I found these 2 sweater dresses.
  hubby was happy with the looks.
  (i'll be wearing tights, leggings, or skinny jeans under the striped one)

Wanna B thin again...is almost there!

strange..... things are happening to me....

there's no doubt about it!

I don't know how, or why, or maybe I do,

but don't want to think it is really THAT simple.....

I have been a migraine sufferer, since i was in FIRST grade. 

 I'm about to turn 41. THAT is a LONG time!

I didn't know back then they were migraines.

In fact, until I was about 22,

I had been told:

cut her hair (it was VERY LONG) because it was straining my eyes and wearing in a tight ponytail could cause headaches.  Yeah, ok. *check didn't help

She needs glasses, her vision is causing headaches *check

didn't help, funny my sight is perfect and haven't worn glasses again.

allergies....testing done, none enough to need shots

Wisdom teeth: had ALL of them EXTRACTED....nope, didn't help

TMJ: braces (already had straight teeth) didn't help headaches

 

When i was pregnant with my first, it was the first time in my life i went longer than a week with NO headache (did not know i was having migraines, although i would puke, was sensitive to light, couldn't lift my head up, and many other things that SCREAMED migraine)

 I was given allergy meds, constantly.

 

I tried taking BC pills after that pregnancy. after 3 kinds and feeling like i was DYING from headaches, bodyaches  (tired, achy, pregnancy feelings)

I said ENOUGH!

The Dr. finally said,

I think you should throw away the allergy meds because I'm SURE you are experiencing migraines!

AHHHHHHHHHHH!

we tried LOTS of meds,

lots wouldn't work, some would work, but stop after taking them a few times,

there were meds to take when i felt any symptoms, meds when I woke up with a RAGING one...

there were preventatives....

I was put through all kinds of test

 and it was discovered that I am having more than one type of migraine.

 

I have them from hormones, most definitely, because i can tell you when i will have them, were I am in my cycles, and i would have them often because every rise and fall of hormones caused them! But was told in 1st grade, it would NOT have been hormonal yet!

I have triggers: smells, foods, eviromental things, bad sleeping habits, etc, that will bring them on too.

I have also been told they are neuro.

I started having 5 out of 7 days of migraines....that's NOT living!

I was asked about and told i  possibly could have MS,

and that the lobes in my brain try to synchronize every 3-10 seconds,

which basically showed "seizure" activity. but i don't have seizures like one would think of a seizure.

I have migraines.

that i cannot function, cannot eat, cannot lift my head, cannot come out of the dark,

cannot stand ANY sound

 (Ive been found on the floor beacuase i couldn't hold my head up much less stand up, with the phone in my hand, in the dark, crying because i needed to call for help and the tone of dialing numbers on the phone made my head feel like i was being beaten with a sledge hammer while being squeezed in a vice)

seizure meds are EVIL!

i went from ADHD to if i sat down, i was OUT....COLD!

I have NO energy, NO motivation....

and i had just gotten remarried.

I was 34.

I had 2 kids, my new husband did not have any.

we weren't sure if we wanted any at the time, but new we needed to decide because of our ages (he was 37).

The Dr. wanted me on the meds for at least 5 years.

UMM, 34+5=39

i was not waiting to try at 39. my husband 42..

what would the meds have done to my body by then?

i had kids that would be 19 and 12 by then...

the gap was already huge, but to be that much more...

the birth defect warnings were HORRIBLE,

but i can't take BC pills, so I had to make SURE it didn't happen.

I NEVER got complete relief from my migraines.

they lessoned, yes.

for those risk, the side affects (i gained lots of weight in a SHORT time)

i took the chance against the NEURO's orders and weaned off the meds.

 

they didn't come back as bad,

WHEW!

I was pregnant a few months later!

I thank God there are no birth defects from that!

I had another child, SOON after.

I had migraines through both prenancies.

after the baby,

I made  "I have to take better care of me" my motto

because I was in the worse shape ever.

MEANTALLY

PHYSICALLY

I got the band when he was 1 1/2.

I got healthy, i exercised, ate right, lost weight,

and i started having them really bad again!

I had them almost every single day for almost 3 months.

I got back on the preventative, and asked for a different NEROU if I had to go back to one....

and the preventative helped, for the most part.

no side affects, so i stayed on them.

after a while i was told i could stop them,

but i was afraid, and since I was not having side effects,

asked if i can stay on them longer.

he said, yes, it's no harm at all.

 

i went to my GYN visit and we were discussing how i had been doing

(my weight was down again from being up while not being able to run for so long)

the Dr. was pleased, and asked other questions.

the MS was mentioned, the migraines were mentioned, anxiety was mentioned...

he suggested a vitamin:

OPTIVITE (PMT)

he said he has had patients have great results with lots of things they suffered from stimming from hormones and deficiencies with have.

it's SIX. BIG. PILLS. A. DAY!  

uh, i'm not sure.

i stopped the preventative, which didn't get rid of all of them anyhow...

I finally ordered them, started with 2 and worked up to 6 now.

(i also add 3 tablets of magnesium because of the migraines and muscle cramps/spasms)

after the first week of taking them, my migraines STOPPED.

no symptoms that one may be on the way.....

i have had a full cycle and was shocked the day that i did start because usually my boday warns me in SOOO many ways ahead of time.

i didn't have a headache before, during or after, which at least ONE of those tiimes were ALWAYS a GIVEN, usually more than one, or the ENTIRE time it was here!

UNBELIEVABLE....

VITAMINS?! 

after all the CRAZY stuff i've been told, all the scary meds i've taken....

I feel great, energetic, and besides that first pregnancy, over 20 years ago,

i have NEVER gone almost a month and a half with NO migraine, not even a HEADACHE!

 

the other STRANGE (and i am NOOOOOTTTT complaining ONE BIT) thing that's happening is...

I weighed in at 118.2 this morning!!!!

I'm not doing ANYTHING to drop pounds like that....

have NOT added crazy amounts of exercize, or changed my eating...

it's just happening....

like i felt it should.

eat/move/maintain

eat healthy/exercize normal/lose

my body is doing what it did way back before it went out of whack!

I never thought i could get past 115 again.

I thought that would be a WAY OUT THERE DREAM....

hummmmm, maybe i can.

 

i was 92-96 or so before kids. 

there is NOOOOO way i could pull under 100 off

without lookiing like i need to be admitted to a hospital

(92-124 is my 'ideal range' for my height)

i'm not sure if i'll see where this goes,

if i'll set new goals,

I don't want it to be a struggle every single day.

i want to live.

I want to EAT.  MOVE. LIVE. 

like a normal person, not have my life revolve around what someone decided my

'ideal or even perfect numbers'

should be.

 

i had to work HARD through the 120's for every single pound...

in the last month, i have watched the scale go done every single time i stepped on it!

WOW....

this is what normal living is like?

 

Wanna B thin again...is almost there!

I was trying for once a month....

at least, but it's been longer.
It's been a BUUUUSSSSSYYYY few months.
4 kids, 4 schools, trips before school started, shopping for school, 4 birthdays, a huge birthday party....

I had been feeling blah and felt like I wasn't doing too good with staying in my "range" that i had been, and to my surprise, Saturday 8/25, I was down to my newest since surgeries low of 121!
FINALLY into the 'healthy' BMI range (i don't go by that and try to not let it bother me since I know it's different per individual and doesn't include someone with muscle and someone without..... If i were to get to the low end of my height, i'd have to weigh UNDER 100!)

i tried on my juniors size 5 SKINNY jeans that i got a few months ago when all my jeans were too big to wear Saturday and they are big! the waist, hips and thighs were LOOSE! 

I won't get on the scale until next week because the party happened (i didn't do too bad that day) and well, there was cake left.  i ate some again sunday and a piece again today (monday).  I need the family to finish the rest TODAY so it is GONE!!!

I'm amazed......it's been almost 3 1/2 years since the band, 2 years 4 months since skin removal, and i'm STILL having changes!!! AMAZING!!!! (glad it's in the RIGHT direction!)
Wanna B thin again...is almost there!

Holding steady....

but I have set up a game plan to get farther down.

I've been bouncing around 124-126,

 but really want to get down 10 more.

1) UP the protein

2) Drink more water

3) Make/Drink "green" drinks/smoothies for breakfast

4) cut out sugar

 (i don't eat a lot, but if i want ice cream,

 i may buy frozen yogurt with regular sugar. 

I cannot eat any sugar substitutes because it triggers my migraines. 

I also started drinking coffee in the morning, with creamer and sugar. 

 that needs to be cut out!)

Wanna B thin again...is almost there!

no promises

I know the last time i posted I said i would stick to this...
so no promises being made this time.
I have read so many blogs that when they were far out from surgery
and started to gain they stopped posting,   I don't want people to think
that no one has long term success with the band.
I was banded in march of '09
I lost my weight pretty quickly.
I had plastic surgery in April of '10.
at the end of 2010, my back would not allow me to do
much of anything and the Dr. told me to listen to my body....
i listened to depression and gained 40 pounds by doing NOTHING and eating whatever i wanted.

in early 2011 i found a lump in my breast (thank GOD it is apparently scare tissue),

I had cancer cells removed from my cervic (i go ON TIME to my yearly, the lab screwed up and never sent the abnormal results to my Dr. or me until SIX months later!  My Dr. then called, i had to do a biopsy and it was removed and have since had a CLEAN test done again!) in the beginning of Oct.

THEN....the end of oct i started with migraines EVERYDAY again (i have them often, but the last time they were this often was in 2005).  I was finally at my wits end and was able to see the Dr. in January.

by then i had already started to change (read: get back to what i should have been doing all along...band rules and healthy eating MOST of the time) my eating.  I had seen the 170's before this! 
I went to the Dr told him everything that was going on (my weight was 164!) and he said something that had been mentioned before: MS! 
I was scared, but very determined to change my life, my health, whatever it took because i have a lot of years left to raise kids!  (i have a college kid who i would like to see marry and have his own family.  i have a middle school kid, who i would like to see go off to college.  i also have 2 little ones, one going to kindie and the other pre-k!!!!  they NEED thier mommy!!!)

I had orders to have an MRI specifically for MS, and asked besides meds (because the side affects are usually WORSE than the problems i take meds for) what is the BEST thing i can do for myself if it IS MS?
his answer: "Be as healthy as possible.  When you have an 'attack' you will recover quicker if you are already strong."

I went home and started running again... if i'm gonna end up in a wheelchair one day, i'm gonna run until that day comes! 
my back seems to bother me sometimes, but apparently the bulging disc had lots of time to heal and it's not pinching whater nerve was making me fall.  i'm on a migraine prevention med that is helping for the most part.  my BP is GREAT, and i'm down....to 127 pounds!  my goal has been 124 and i'd love to get under 120 but really, anything under 130, and i'm happy.
I wear a small-large shirt depending on the make (large is usually for the boob area and usually in Jr.s size)  I have gotten back into my 4's and have room in them but not ready to go smaller just yet.

Wanna B thin again...is almost there!

Been gone way too long

I had a bulging disc, and 2 other vertebra that  have tears that have left no 'cushioning' and was/is causing lots of back pain. 
sitting around more because it hurts to stand and my legs would go out and i would fall, and NO running (i tried, i fell, it hurt!)
not adjusting my food intake, not making good choices on what i did eat....
all excuses.

i'm up, way up.
but it's going DOWN....
Son 1 went to college, we moved the kids rooms around and i got a workout room!  a treadmill, an elliptical, a Wii (with lots of exercise games/stuff), exercise ball, adjustable weights  a big tv on the wall, netflix, satellite, DVD player/recorder, anything i could possibly need to do exercise and not get bored.  i have new towels, even a shelf filled with bottles of water.
I got the couch 2 5 k app on my phone, i got a heartrate monitor that tells me everything, time, distance, calories burned (gps if i go on the road)...
i really want to get a body bugg or gowear fit...maybe for a reward...hummm.
I'm set.
 no more excuses.

today, i got the kids to school, came home did the first day of c25k, stretched, had water, salad for lunch, got it all out of the way early so i couldn't make excuses....
i want to lose 40 pounds. 
i'm 160.  how did i let myself go THAT far? 
i WILL wear those bikinis i wore in 2009 again!

Wanna B thin again...is almost not quite there!

freaking out...

my hotmail account not associated with this blog, just HAPPENED to have a lapband email address in it and was hacked and sent out emails to EVERYONE i ever emailed from that account.
i have NO idea if anyone would have noticed the email addresses since it says my maiden name AND something about viagra.....
so i'm going PRIVATE again.

sorry.
i haven't posted in forever again anyhow.
i feel like i'm drowning.  i can't climb out of the whole i'm in.

Wanna B thin again...is almost there!

Oct. 7 Here i go...

I said i was going to start posting, and i didn't.
Today, i signed up for UFT (ultimate fitness training) class,.  It's like bootcamp. 5 weeks, 2 classes a week.   there are only 3 of us, so she's going to kick our butts!  Class starts next Tuesday (classes are on Tues/Thurs for an hour every week for 5 weeks)
we did a pre test for times on some runs, jumps and such.  we did measurements, weight, and body fat.
I'm SICK of myself!  i cannot believe the scale said 152.  ONE HUNDRED FIFTY TWO pounds.  i was 124 at the beginning of summer.  it's not really the numbers on the scale, either.  i TRY to not let that affect me.  it's the fact that my jeans from last year are TIIIIGHT.  the same pants that fit even before my TT!

it's called thinking i could do this on my own.  i have barely no restriction.  BUT, that's not it.
 I'm eating JUNK...and a lot of it!

SO, during our assesment, we had to write 2 fitness goals and 2 nutrition goals.  We are also encouraged to TRACK food.  i have not been good at doing this.  EVER.  if i'm not sure about serving sizes, i measure, not a problem, but actually tracking what i eat.  i struggle to remember to do it. or I just put it off.

I'm going to attempt this.
It's going to make for boring post, but i'm going to do it here.

Today, Oct 7, 2010, i will start tracking my food, exercise and water.  I know it will help me to do better, be more aware of what's going into my body and do better with getting the right amount of protien, fruit, veggies and water.

Food:
Coffee with sugar and creamer  153 cals 40 carbs  (gotta cut this out!)
Greek yogurt 140 cals 20 carbs 0 Fat 14 protein
avocado 70 cals 37 carbs 6.5 fat .9 protein
cottage cheese w/jello:  160 cals 0 Fat 24 carbs 21 protein

Water:
16 ozs

Exercise:
25 minutes walking/running (C25k program week 3)
assesment for UFT class









Wanna B thin again...is almost there!

It's been a LONNNNNG time ....

and good and bad during that time.
I have not had restriction for a LONG time.  I had even more taken out before my PS making it less. 
I went back 2 times and i'm STILL not at my sweet spot.
I have gained....YES, after surgery to remove the skin, GAINED...
This just shows me i cannot do this alone! 
My band is there for a reason and i'm not using it like it should be.
I will be making an appointment for another fill this week.
I've stopped going to curves and started a regular type of gym.  I like the options now much better.  the same ol thing everyday with Curves was getting boring.
i WILL get this weight off before i have to go to my followup with my PS.  Even if my 6 month appointment ends up being at 7-8 months out!!
I'm still in size 6's. but at one time my 4's were getting too big (remember, i'm only 4'10 1/2" SHORT).

I had gone private, because after posting pics, i chickened out. 
I'll leave it public for a while longer and if you would like to follow, send me an email to wannabthinagain at y@hoo dot com and i'll authorize you.

I will do my best to post more often.  i KNOW it will help me to stay on track.
Wanna B thin again...is almost there!

another thing....

I didn't mention this in any of the previous post (i just posted a VERY LONG POST catching up on my recovery)....
before surgery, i went get an unfil.  i forget what he said i had left, 1. something....because i was SOOOOO scared of throwing up after surgery. 
well, thank goodness the tightness of the muscle repair makes me feel like i'm full quickly beacuse i have NO RESTRICTION WHATSOEVER!  let's just say we went to a buffet place and i had an entire plate of full (a few bites of a BUNCH of things) and i FINISHED it. THEN, went to the dessert bar and did the same thing...bunch of bites of a bunch of things and FINISHED IT!

i don't feel hungry very often, but it is SCARY if there is food that i really like or want to eat, there is NO LIMIT to what i can put down.....bread, pasta, ANYTHING! 
SOOOOOO, Monday i have a fill appointment! LOL 

I want to go eat chinese SO BAD TOMORROW....like a last supper before i can't eat like that again!  LOL  thank goodness i've learned something in this year of being banded.  FOOD is not the most important thing.  i don't have to have it ALL right now.  i CAN go out to have chinese and have just a little and be satisfied after my restriction is back. 

also, all that salt would make me really swell and i LOOOOOOOOVE seeing my flat belly, i don't want to CAUSE it to swell!!! 

this is with my compression garment on at the end of the day, so there is swelling.

THOSE are little girl sized shorts!!  Shirt, size small.

24 days PO

 FLAT BELLY!

scar flattening & lightening

belly button covered since i'm still treating it.

my PS did the scars on the inside of it and it takes a little bit for it to 'dry' up

i LOVE MY BELLY BUTTON!!!

4 pregnacies made my old one HUGE and DEEP...it's TINY now!

i have a waist NOW...It doesn't show as much in that pic with the evening swell, but i now have a waist that goes IN instead of straight down my sides.

Wanna B thin again...is almost there!